Changes

Joel and I have both had really strange weeks.

Yesterday we unplugged everything in the library. When I left the library, it was dark and I looked around. Most of the computers have been put away, and for the first time I really saw how the library looked in 1971 when it was first built - just books, and no technology. The building was quiet - sleeping.

From the library I went over to Joel's office. This week they have been shutting down 2/3 of the office space - including the space Joel has been in for the last 8 years. Below Joel is standing in the space where his desk used to be. When the office first opened, and Joel started working here, the office was so crowded he shared his desk on a swing shift with a guy who had worked as a presidential secret service officer. After the layoffs in January, most of the office space has been empty.

All of the furniture is being redistributed to other offices in the corporation or donated.

A List of Good Things

This list isn't a day-dreamy list. I have given this list considerable though as I try to look for the good things among so many bad things as the College closes. I think one of the most discouraging realizations I have had in the last couple months is that hard work, positive thinking, hope, prayer, and passion by a group of really good people doesn't guarantee the outcome you might want. I think I was learning this last year when the hail storm hit, and many of my plants were injured and died. At the time knew that storm was so upsetting to me because it was tied to my thinking about the College's future (even at that time).

I actually remember quite clearly a day in 1990 when I was in college, and I had the realization that hard work does pay off (I didn't think hard work was important in high school). I was sitting by myself in the library studying for an English exam. I had the realization that if I continued to study, I would do well on the exam. It was a guarantee. I realized I was going to do well on the exam, and I was filled with a real joy. It was the first time I remember thinking I had control over my circumstances by working hard. I have held on to that moment in different ways for the last 20 years, and I think it has served me well. But here I am faced with failure following hard work.

To combat these feelings of pessimism, I started working on this list. It is an honest list, but not without an equally long list of negative realizations (that I may never write down).

List of Good Things

Humbling. The experience has been humbling, not in a destructive way, but an eye-opening way. I feel more sensitive to what other people are experiencing in their lives. I feel less important and my actions feel less important in some ways, and in some ways this is a relief.

Good people. There have been so many good people. People I don't know have had lengthy email conversations with me and have been supportive. Former colleagues, friends, and family have also been supportive - it helps to have good thoughts from all of these people. And it has been helpful to hear real-life stories from people who have experienced a wide variety of difficult times in their lives. Having good thoughts from people from all times and places in my life, is a source of strength.

Hard Work and Success. I don't think my lesson is "don't work hard." I am thinking right now that hard work is worth doing, and when success comes it should be appreciated for the amazing thing that it is. Success, when I see it again, will be all the sweeter.

Faith. The realization once again that the world is bigger than just me and the community in which I live. There are larger reasons that things are happening the way they are, and that requires a faith in the greater good.

Perfection. I have learned that there are different levels of perfection and that I have a level of perfection I strive for in my professional and personal life. This expectation is sometimes good, but it is also very important to recognize when "good enough" is perfect. There are lots of times when true perfection (or my version of perfection) is not required.

Small things. I have been noticing the small things, and I feel more grateful for the small things. I feel grateful that I am grateful for small things.

Empathy. I have a new empathy for people experiencing difficult times, especially illnesses. I feel like what we have experienced is a community illness. All of us have been struck with this illness, and all of us have had personal reactions to it and have dealt with it in very personal ways. The illness is within the community, but the battle is individual. I think these emotional trials and feelings of isolation are similar to fighting a health related illness.

Stress. Stress is a motivating factor. It shouldn't be hated, but appreciated and used to my advantage. But when the stress is too much, it is best to just let go of it, because things will fall into some order or some place no matter what you do or don't do.

Conversations. I have had the great opportunity to have real conversations with people I don't know very well - or may have never known very well. For the last 5 months when I am at work and I ask someone how they are doing, I get a real answer and that answer always requires a good conversation.

Happiness. Even within personal stress and disappointment it is a joyful relief to feel genuine happiness for other people as they achieve new things and move in new directions.

Nothing is easy. There are no easy answers in difficult situations, and if you believe you have found an easy answer, it probably isn't the whole truth. This has become exciting to me because trying to find the logical best answer to questions I have, has been an ongoing quest in my life. I like that the answers are not easy.

Enjoy. It is possible to enjoy misery when you have hope that it will end. Bad, bad, bad things happen - and when they do - we should be good to ourselves, accept help from others, and enjoy the ways we can can be good to ourselves in difficult times.

Ben Stein Is So Smart

Watch CBS Videos Online


Watch CBS Videos Online

Velveteen Rabbit

With the College closing in May, we are making lots of final arrangements for things. As exciting as I thought it might be to tell vendors "sorry we can't pay you thousands of dollars for this tiny overpriced service, because we are closing!," I am finding that I am really pretty sad.

Today I canceled all of our periodical subscriptions. The library gets about 250 subscriptions. Managing subscriptions to periodicals is like herding cats. They arrive when they arrive. Sometimes they never arrive. Sometimes the arrive out of order. Sometimes they are never published and then they are suddenly published years later. This year one of our main suppliers of magazines had a glitch and about 1/3 of our subscriptions were sent so an address in Texas. They are random. And when you do something like cancel them, it throws everything in to chaos. For instance, if there is ever a school at this address again - I think it might be really difficult to receive subscriptions. Periodicals have a life and character of their own. As the periodicals arrive in the mail they seem to "know things" but they know all the wrong things, and with this address being marked "closed" to our subscription suppliers - I am thinking that may never be able to be erased.

Yesterday I was working the circulation desk and thinking about the school closing and the cancellation of all of these periodicals. I was struck with a wave of deep deep sadness and tears came to my eyes. Very unprofessional, to be crying in the library. But the incident reminded me of the story of Velveteen Rabbit and becoming real. I never wanted to be a librarian, and I have never considered myself a REAL librarian, but when you shed more than a couple of tears over the cancellation of periodicals - I think that means you are a real librarian. Maybe you "become" a librarian. Maybe, "it takes a long time."

Here is what REAL means in the Velveteen Rabbit.

"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

"I suppose you are real?" said the Rabbit. And then he wished he had not said it, for he thought the Skin Horse might be sensitive. But the Skin Horse only smiled.

This is the "anxious times" image from the book.

So This is What Happens when a College Closes.... Part 3

Dreams

On the nights I sleep, I have had some really interesting dreams.

Last night I had a dream a colleague and I were sitting in the kitchen in the bottom floor of a classroom building. As we were sitting and talking, we saw a person rushing into the building with a canister of tear gas. We knew that the person was getting ready to release tear gas to save everyone in the building from a dangerous person on the second floor. Even though we knew the tear gas was going to be released, we were not allowed to leave the building because if the dangerous person saw us leaving the building they might create more trouble for the person with the tear gas and we would all be in danger.

So we had to wait, knowing the building would soon be filled with gas that would make it difficult to breathe.

At the end of the dream, the person was able to release the tear gas and everyone on the second floor exited the building safely. My colleague and I stayed through the release of the tear gas and waited for everyone to leave. Just before we left, we leisurely went to the refrigerator and got our sack lunches. We calmly exited the building without chaos or stress and no harm from the tear gas.

I don't know if the dangerous person was captured.

So This is What Happens when a College Closes.... Part 2

Since there will be such a large number of people laid off at the college in May - and since we apparently seem more worried about being unemployed than other industries - the New Mexico Unemployment Office and New Mexico Workforce Connection came to give us a pre-meeting about unemployment yesterday (they will officially come back closer to our lay-off date).

I had been looking at this meeting as an interesting opportunity to learn more about something new - but by yesterday morning I began to dread the meeting -- like you dread going to a funeral. In the end, it wasn't as sad as a funeral, but it wasn't interesting either.

They gave us some basic information about how to apply and how the process will work once we are in the system. One disappointing piece of news was that it does not seem we can take classes in lieu of proving we are searching for work. According to the presenters yesterday, if you have a Bachelor's Degree you are considered "educated" and so you can't take classes or earn additional certificates and have the classes count as "searching for work."

While I certainly will be searching madly for a job, I was hoping I could solidify my "proof of searching" by taking legal research classes and working on a paralegal certificate. I still have some research to do on this, but the basic answer to working on a certificate or a degree while earning unemployment seems to be "no" (because if you aren't taking classes you have to be available for full-time work).

I had a realization this morning. Maybe there will be so many really smart people on unemployment this year (people who are searching for work, but also frustrated by a system that does not work - or does not work for everyone) that these smart people will take their extra time and reform the unemployment system.

So This is What Happens when a College Closes.... Part One

In the 1990s Joel and I would occasionally drive by a college campus in Milton, Wisconsin as we made our way from Joel's family home to Cornell College where we were attending school. The campus we passed on our journey was the small quaint campus of Milton College.

The Milton College campus was silent. Abandon. The school had closed in the early 1980s, and as we passed it on our way out of Wisconsin, we were often struck in to silence too. How did a college like Milton close? What happens when a college with grand brick buildings and a courtyards stops teaching classes and the students leave? What happened to the college to leave these structures standing as headstones to what had once lived in Milton, WI?

I have thought about Milton College a lot in the last 2 years, and now I think about it every day. At the time it closed its doors in 1982 it was the oldest operating college in Wisconsin (echoing the College of Santa Fe's position in New Mexico).

My sister was laid off from her job working for big national company in January. The office in Albuquerque closed and all of the employees lost their jobs. When my sister lost her job this year and the office started its close-down procedure, she talked to me about having these realizations, "oh, so this is what happens when an office closes."

Now the College of Santa Fe will be closing on May 22nd - either for the summer or indefinitely. Everyone at the College will loose their jobs on that day. Like the job losses I have experienced with my family in corporate America, the College must prepare for its closing. With the college closing certain things must be arranged for students, faculty, and staff. These arrangements have been both horrifying and comforting. Life will go on.

The closing of the College is pretty strange. I have tried to anticipate some of the things that will occur, but even in my mental preparation I have been surprised that the sadness is deeper than I anticipated. I was not at all prepared for the ways uncertainty and confusion leave deep wounds. And like my sister, I too am struck almost daily with the realization, "oh, so this is what happens when a college closes."

As much as possible, I would like to share some of those experiences. I think many colleges will close in the coming years. There were lots of college that closed in the 1980s along with Milton College. I think we have reached another point in the ebb and flow of our economy where these changes and losses are inevitable. It is just the beginning of the suffering for small liberal arts colleges in America.

Here is a link to an article published in 1997, remembering how Milton College closed. For now I will let this quote from the article about Milton College speak for the College of Santa Fe's current situation:

"We all were crushed. Devastated. We couldn't believe it," Koeffler said. "It was so sad to watch people you knew loved teaching and this college to be let go. It was watching people suffer."

The Goose that Laid the Golden Egg

Legislators keep referring to the College as the goose that laid the golden egg. I know the story of the goose and the golden egg is dramatic and sad, but I couldn't remember the specifics of the story. So I looked it up. It is a story about a couple who have a goose that lays golden eggs. It lays one golden egg a day. They decide that the goose must be filled with golden eggs, so they decide to cut the goose open to get the eggs. When they kill the goose, they discover that the goose is just like all other geese inside.

I don't really know how this applies to the College. And the more I think of it, I think the goose has already been opened up. All of the staff and faculty have been laid off and nearly all of the students are applying to other schools in case the College doesn't open again in the fall. Some are very committed to Santa Fe - but like the staff and faculty - applying for new opportunities has opened their eyes to new and interesting options.

I am totally committed to seeing a college continue in Santa Fe. I passionately feel that one-size is not for everyone - especially when it comes to higher education. There are no other schools like the college of Santa Fe in New Mexico (in programs, real estate, and community). I think a college needs to be here as an opportunity for New Mexicans. I also believe any school in Santa Fe is in the unique opportunity to attract people from all over the country. While other state schools in New Mexico may occasionally attract out-of-state students, a college in Santa Fe exists in a unique environment that I believe will draw people from around the country and the world.

Today I listened to the House session online. I could hear the crowds in the gallery and I could envision all of the activity on the floor for the NM House. After much discussion the vote was called. The votes opened - and I knew lights were illuminating on the wall as representatives placed their votes - but online all I could hear was silence. The speaker said, "the vote is closing" and still there was no indication about the number lights on the online audio. Finally, after long moments it was announced that the bill passed the house 49-16.

The vote is good. The 2/3 approval means that an emergency clause that is attached to the bill will follow it into the Senate. The emergency clause gives the college a whisper of hope for being able to reopen this fall.

On to the Senate where the really hard battles begin.....

The Best Shower Ever

While showering one early morning this past week after a restless night of little sleep, I looked up and saw a pink bottle of Avon shower gel hanging from the shower head. The bottle brought back a flood of memories about an unexpected series of events that were soothed by the best shower I have ever had in my life.

Several years ago I walked in the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer in Denver. The first day of the walk started off in a normal way. The opening ceremony began at the crack of dawn when walk organizers welcomed all of the walkers and supporters. An armada of tough smiling men wearing pink and riding roaring motorcycles lead the parade of walkers through the park. And then we walked. We walked all day.

The walk is a 39 mile walk, with 26 miles walked the first day and an overnight camping stay at a distant park. As we were finishing our final miles on that first day I was filled with a mix of emotions. I was excited to finish the walk, but I also had a feeling of impending doom as we made our way toward the very park where students at Columbine High School had evacuated during the shooting spree years before. As the finish line came into site, the dark feelings began to lift, and we became excited to see our friends and family waiting for us at the park's finishing line.

Exhausted, we worked to set up our tenting sites for the night and prepare for showers and dinner. My friend Jackie had driven from Santa Fe and was one of the people waiting at the park that evening. She graciously set up the tent where Joel and I were going to spend the night while I went to wait in line to use a shower. As I waited in line, dark black clouds appeared on the horizon bringing back back the feeling of impending doom. The clouds seem to come in faster than any storm I had ever seen and lightening began striking close by. Despite the storm, taking a shower after walking all day in the sun seemed like the most important thing in the world. I stood in line and waited. Soon the lightening was hitting very close and people who were thinking on our behalf evacuated the showers and told us to take cover.

I ran back to my tent site where Jackie was finishing the set-up. She had just rolled out the sleeping bags, and the tent looked so comfortable. As she finished up the final work she crawled out of the tent to see the storm clouds coming over. I kept thinking, "we have done a long day of walking for something so great, how can something bad happen to us now. There is no way something bad can happen. We are here today only for good." And then the big rain and wind started.

In order to secure the tent, Jackie and I jumped in to weigh it down. We zipped the door closed and waited. As the rain came hard we could hear people running by our tent. Then the hail started. We could hear people screaming. We could feel the hail pelting the tent as we braced ourselves against the sides to keep it from rolling. We were scared. It felt like someone was throwing baseballs at us, and we only had the thin protection of the tent for safety. I remember looking at Jackie. Her hair was wet and she wore a nervous smile. We looked at each other and laughed. We were soaking wet and stretched out from head to toe trying to protect the integrity of the tent. As we held down the tent and laughed we felt other tents hitting us and rolling by as the storm delivered its full punch.

We survived the storm and crawled out of the tent to find destruction all around us. By the end of the evening most of the tenters had to leave the campground and find other accommodations because their sleeping bags were wet -- or missing all together. Because Jackie and I stayed, we were able to keep the tent fairly dry allowing Joel and me to spend the night at the park campground. It probably wasn't the smartest thing to do -- staying in the tent through the storm -- but I have never been happier to sleep in a tent with a wet pillow and wearing dirty clothes. Joel eventually made it to the campground too, and even though he was sick, we slept through the night without catastrophe.

I didn't get to take a shower that night. In the end the shower that seemed so important could wait. I remember thinking even moments after the storm that I was lucky that I had a friend with me and we were both lucky to have survived the dangerous summer storm. The next morning, I walked past smashed and overturned tents to the showers. Because so many people had spent the night elsewhere there wasn't a single person in line for the showers. Actually, there wasn't a single person taking a shower that morning, I was all alone. While cleaning off I used the pink bottle of shower gel that had been given to all walk participants. I must have used half a bottle that morning scrubbing off dirt, enjoying the simple warm water, the clean smell of soap, and an invigorating feeling of survival. It was the best shower ever, and I enjoyed every minute of it.

Even today I am so grateful to Jackie. I am grateful that she stayed with me holding down the tent. I was grateful to reconnect with Joel that night, and that we were able to camp together in our small damp tent. And I felt so grateful that I was healthy, healthy enough to continue walking the next day and complete the 13 miles of walking.

With the amazing stress of the closing of the College at hand, stress that has lead to physical and mental exhaustion, laughing with coworkers because crying seems too scary -- I am reminded of this other event I was fortunate to survive. I am grateful for my friends and family who are helping me hold down the tent. I am grateful to have Joel with me every night after both of us come home after hard days at work. And most importantly, I feel lucky to be healthy. I can't wait for the last leg of this 13 mile walk to end!

If you want to follow the story of 2 Avon Walks, you can visit the Walking Blog at this link , or go right to the story of the day of the storm at this link .

OMG!

The news is now public -- that we are all loosing our jobs (many of us were just notified yesterday). I am so insulted by the following email that is being sent without request to some faculty and staff. Email about selling their homes! I can't even include the broker's name for fear he will get some publicity. I know there are vultures circling the campus... but this is personal! Come on! This is sick!

.....

I am sorry to hear about the difficulties at the College of Santa Fe. Unfortunately, the economy is having widespread impact on most of us. As a realtor in Santa Fe for the past 17 years, I‘ve had the opportunity to work for several faculty and staff members at the College. If I can assist you with an evaluation of the Santa Fe real estate market or any property needs, I would like to help. Also, if you would like to just talk about where I feel the market is going, please give me a call. Thank you.

Best regards,

XXXXXXXXXX

Associate Broker

Santa Fe Properties, Inc.

Cutting Costs

With the news that our salaries at the College are going to be reduced substantially within the week, I made the calls this morning that I have been dreading for months. I cut a subscription and cut back on some other automatic payments. I feel fortunate that we are not in danger of loosing our home right now and we don't have to make extreme modifications to our lives yet, but for the last several months I have been looking ahead to these cancellations with dread, fear, and a lot of anger.

With all of these negative emotions leading up to the cancellations I made today, I find it strange that I feel a real sense of happiness and relief. Maybe it is relief that I have made these cost reductions and service eliminations and I still feel ok. Maybe it is relief -- a feeling that I at least have some control over this little thing in my life. Maybe it is happiness that I don't have to worry about making these payments any more. I don't actually feel that I have lost a single thing. I still feel like the same person I was yesterday when I was making these payments and accessing these services. Hopefully some of the cost cuts I made today will let me keep more important parts of my life intact for a longer period of time. More cost cutting measures may be required in the future, things that won't be so easy to let go, but I am going to try to look at those days ahead without dread, I am going to try to look ahead with interest. I wonder what these new experiences will bring.

Pink Slips Aren't Pink

They aren't pink. I really thought they would be. I have imagined being handed a pink slip of paper by some rude tall man wearing a hat. But the notices.... they are just plain letters on letterhead in an envelope. That was the most disappointing part about getting the slips today - they aren't pink.

The letter stated our last day of employment will be May 22nd. With the financial trouble the College is in, it is difficult to tell when the money to pay for our work will run out. We have been living in an alternative universe for several months now, where things that must happen absolutely cannot, and expectations even about the smallest things can be eliminated in a long sad meeting.

This day of pink slips has been another day I have been dreading. I have been dreading reading that letter. I think I have even cried about the thought of receiving the letter. But the letters were delivered very unceremoniously by a poor work study student and they were ripped open with the full expectation of what information they contained.

I am relieved to have this letter. While these issues have been made clear to us over a period of months, the letter really makes things clear. The relationship has been ended and it is time to move on.

The First Down

House Bill 577, the bill supporting the College went before the Education Committee on Friday morning. The meeting was much more like being in a movie than I was prepared for!

They moved the bill for the College up to #1 for discussion in the Education Committee. The room was totally packed with students and faculty - some were dressed up and others were wearing college shirts and holding pennants. It is hard to know how many people attended, because the crowd packed the room and lined the hallways outside the meeting room. There were so many people there, security had to come to keep people moving and allow access to other offices and other rooms. It was amazing!

They spoke about the bill for about an hour and a half. I know this bill is important to the committee, because every rep on the committee was there AND was paying attention. I have been to several Education Committee hearings for library issues, and they are never all there and they are always talking to each other or are busy doing other things. But on Friday they were all there, listening and asking questions. A really interesting discussion, and I learned a lot about what legislators are interested in that will help with future letters.

One thing I learned is they got and appreciated emails, letters, and calls from all over the United States about the College ---- so keep writing!

The best argument I heard all morning was about the cost of the college. $32 million. The most recent buildings built at UNM and NMSU cost $55 million and $42 million respectively. $33 million for 100 acres and 52 buildings in the middle of Santa Fe is a steal.

This committee has 11 members, so we needed 6 votes to move the bill forward. When the vote was called there were 2 yes votes - 5 no votes - and then the remaining 4 votes were in favor - so we didn't know until the last vote. It was tense and I could hear someone whisper several rows back, "it is dead." I was sitting in the second row and for a while I wasn't sure it passed because the vote was so close. As I was sitting there I was thinking how heartbreaking it was going to be to turn around and face the students and faculty - many of whom I am sure would have been in tears. And then the whisper, "it passed" made it through the room. Such a relief.

We left the committee meeting and I had a familiar feeling. The bill passed, but there are so many bigger hurdles it has to get through (we thought this committee would be easy). It really seems impossible that the College will survive.

Anyway this feeling I was having, I was trying to pin point when I had felt it before - and I realized it is a feeling I have had on many Sundays watching the Green Bay Packers! So I immediately started thinking about the Packers games and all of the things I have made mental notes about how life is like a Packers game (I actually have a mental list, they are kind of corny but it works in this situation!).

• You don't have the best team to win - but showing up and having a lot of enthusiasm sometimes tips the scales.
• You don't have to be ahead at the half to win the game. You don't even have to have any points at the half - you can still win.
• When things are down and winning seems absolutely out of the question (despite many great plays that may end up going nowhere) the game isn't over 'till it is over.
• It is best when the team works together - but having one star player who is having a great day can save the game.

The hearings continue next week.

A Modest Proposal: The Loved Ones Meeting

On the television show Survivor, near the end of the game, all of the remaining players have a friend or family member join them in a remote location, usually to participate in a Survivor Challenge. The players are often deceived about this reunion. They might be told they are not going to get to see their loved ones during the season or that the"loved ones segment" could not be arranged this year, but ultimately the rouse is exposed and the players' loved ones come running from the bushes with open arms and screams of joy, tearfully hugging their friends and family members.

The loved ones episode is always an emotional episode. I think part of the emotion for the players is that they (maybe for the first time) have a solid reminder that life is bigger than the game of Survivor; a game they have been playing in isolation for nearly a month. At this point in the game the players are also hungry, injured, and emotionally exhausted. The loved ones, who are only present for a very short amount of time, always inspire new life and bring new energy to the players at the end of the game.

Several times in the last year I have thought that my employer should organize a loved ones reunion following difficult meetings. Some of the meetings we have had about layoffs and closing the campus have been so filled with pain, anger, and uncertainty that I have been left thinking a humane organization should put some time and effort into preparing for an official visit from our loved ones. In two specific instances I have have yearned for the presence of loved ones for myself and my coworkers, not so that our loved ones can feel the sadness and frustration that we have experienced, but so that they can be there when the meeting is over to help re-inspire the injured and emotionally exhausted players. The loved ones could help us immediately put our lives back into perspective. We might be more productive at work and more inspired to believe the future will be better -- not worse.

After some of these most dour meetings it hasn't seemed good enough to have loved ones waiting for us when we get home. For the hardest meetings I want to select a loved one to be waiting for me right after the meeting. Or better yet, I want to attend a meeting where my loved one is sitting with me, someone who might whisper during the meeting, "I know! This is crazy, I can't believe it either! But this certainly isn't the end of the world."

How kind would it be if in corporate America, employees could be told: "Tuesday's meeting will be a Loved Ones Meeting. We expect each of you to bring a loved one. They will be waiting for you in the wings at 2pm."

Jobs on the Line - waiting for the shoes to drop

Joel was reading an article to me today from the Santa Fe paper. Here is a link to the article. The author of the article talks about how we (our "old brains" really) respond to modern problems (like job loss -- a long and drawn-out process) as if we are going to be attacked by a lion. This type of panic (and I am assuming this is followed by a chemical release in our brain) is really draining and really unnecessary in our our modern world. I am taking comfort in this, and trying not to panic.

Another piece I keep thinking about is Ben Stein's "happy new year" on the Sunday Morning Show. It is called Looking Past the Economic Woes. He addresses the fears and feelings the recession has instilled in people. His bottom line is that we are more than our jobs, we are more than our homes, we are more than our things. While this is a great sentiment to have and believe when you know you will wake up and have a job next week, it is very different to think about and accept this reality in tough times. In the video Stein list off the stress he is feeling and mentions that one of his friends with big financial losses is just.... missing. He ends his piece by reminding us all, "You are a human being with a soul. You are how you behave, how you help those in need, how you act towards family, community, and animals."

For those of you as interested in the financial crisis as I have been, I point you to a great NPR podcast called Planet Money. We have listened to every single show since they started -- fall 2008. They are great easy-to-understand (and fun) lessons on what is happening in the economy. They have just changed their format - and will be releasing a show every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. NPR occasionally picks up pieces to insert into some of their broadcasts - but the full Planet Money podcasts are fully worth listening to with thoughtful concentration on a regular basis. Friday's show is called Forced Vacation (very interesting and I liked that they profiled a librarian!) They have answered great questions in the last few months like: What is money, how is it defined? Where is all of the US's paper currency? And last fall they did a great series explaining credit default swaps.

How Hard is it to Blog?

I am realizing now that I haven't posted anything in 20 days. I hope to post some images later this week - and I apologize for the long absence.

On this sleepless night, why not write?

Nothing earth-shattering has happened, but many small and semi-large things have conspired to create a great deal of stress (a story told millions of times over in these strange times). This stress seems to needle in and take away from enjoying really small things like taking photos and making blog posts. The smoke is not clearing, it is only getting thicker - and I am realizing with both excitement and fear that the "new normal" in my life will, indeed, be something new. It is time for me to figure out how to enjoy the small things despite the stress.

In the last week I have learned an old lesson with absolute clarity - it is not how we deal with situations in the best of times, but how we respond to life in the worst of times that determines our true character. I first realized this with certainty after reading reports about the plane crash in the Hudson River last week (hearing how some people climbed over seats -- who could blame them -- to exit the plane while others stopped and helped people who were unable to walk on their own), but since that realization nearly every hour of my life I feel like I have had the opportunity to experience and/or witness these tests of character in myself and in others.

Today is a great day in American history, too great to dwell for more than a moment on personal uncertainty. I will end this post with my favorite section of Obama's speech today. I found great comfort in his references to the past as a way of finding strength to move forward.

So let us mark this day in remembrance of who we are and how far we have traveled.

In the year of America's birth, in the coldest of months, a small band of patriots huddled by nine campfires on the shores of an icy river.

The capital was abandoned. The enemy was advancing. The snow was stained with blood.

At a moment when the outcome of our revolution was most in doubt, the father of our nation ordered these words be read to the people:

"Let it be told to the future world that in the depth of winter, when nothing but hope and virtue could survive, that the city and the country, alarmed at one common danger, came forth to meet it."

America, in the face of our common dangers, in this winter of our hardship, let us remember these timeless words; with hope and virtue, let us brave once more the icy currents, and endure what storms may come; let it be said by our children's children that when we were tested we refused to let this journey end, that we did not turn back nor did we falter; and with eyes fixed on the horizon and God's grace upon us, we carried forth that great gift of freedom and delivered it safely to future generations.